Here is The One Trait Young People Most Want in a Partner
Relationship development experts discuss breaking international study which unveils what young people most desire in their mate
A new study published in the Journal of Personality surveyed over 2,700 college students in countries across the globe including Norway, Singapore, Malaysia, Australia and the United Kingdom. The researchers asked these young people what they most wanted in a long-term partner, and despite cultural differences and diverse religious beliefs, there was one common theme in their answers: Kindness was the top-rated quality across the board, even beating physical attraction, humor, and other desirable traits.
“This research proves that whether you live in London or Oslo or Kuala Lumpur, kindness trumps all. When looking for someone to spend the rest of their lives with, this was the number one quality that the vast majority of these young people said they needed in a mate,” says AJ Harbinger, relationship development expert.
“It’s an important study because I think many single people can feel inadequate when they consider the dating pool,” says Johnny Dzubak, fellow relationship development expert who co-hosts the popular lifestyle podcast Art of Charmwith Harbinger. “They might think, ‘Oh, I am not as attractive as the other guys out there’ or ‘I weigh more than a lot of the girls on Match,’ or ‘I don’t make enough money to be desirable.’ But as this study shows, kindness is a top quality that people seek in their partners…and regardless of your height, weight, or career, anyone can be kind.”
However, Harbinger and Dzubak say that kindness can be an elusive concept.
“Being kind sounds like a no-brainer, but you need to be kind in a way that lands for the people around you,” says Dzubak. “In other words, you need to have emotional intelligence, which means being aware of your own emotional energy and the way other people are reading you or experiencing your personality. It also means that you need to be attune to other people’s emotions, not just what they express to you, but also their hidden emotional worlds and unspoken needs.”
“It’s sort of like being a detective of emotions,” says Harbinger. “And while women tend to be super-gifted at this emotional reading and expression, men can really use work in this area. That is why Johnny and I always tell men that if they want to attract more potential partners, they need to do more than just work on their six-pack. They need to improve their emotional intelligence and become more skilled at creating those emotional connections that are a crucial part of kindness.”
“Kindness is at a high premium, especially in our fast-paced technological world. Being able to emotionally connect with your dates in a deep, meaningful way is so much more attractive than having the biggest muscles or the biggest bank account,” says Dzubak.